Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
