i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
