he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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