I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
