the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
