Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
