If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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