Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
