They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize