so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize