capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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