im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
