yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
