I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
