just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
