Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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