Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
