Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
