dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Congratulations! We have a period
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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