I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think I am morally bankrupt
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize