I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
