New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
