remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
