there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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