dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
