A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
