i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
