my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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