smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
