In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
