so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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