the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
