I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
