hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My brain says no but my pants say off.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you would pick up someone in the library
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
