She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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