it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
