i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
as a side note pls kill me
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