I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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