Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
