you would pick up someone in the library
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
