I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
