I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
