I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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