What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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