Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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