Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
