I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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