The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
