I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
