i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
