Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
