I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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