Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
