I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I supernannyed him into submission
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
