Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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