the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
