I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
