It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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