Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize