Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize