im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
