I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
