i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
